The 2004 US National TT Champion, he also won the TT stage in the Giro d'Italia.  He'll be riding in support of Ivan Basso at this year's Tour de France.

MAIN-TAINT-ANCE

as seen on http://www.davezabriskie.com 

An often overlooked part of being a healthy and fast cyclist is the taint.  The taint is the part of your body that contacts your saddle.  I believe the name was derived from the taint not being the parts that are well know by name: as in it taint that and it sure taint those!  If you can’t comfortably sit on the saddle you taint gonna be able to ride your bike very far.  This can negativly effect training and racing,  so one must keep this area well main-taint-ed.  There are three simple concepts to accept and follow: Cleanliness, Lubrication and Dryness. Trust me all of this was learned by experience!  Here are the steps to follow:

1. Begin with a clean taint and chamois (if you are a hairy beast like me you may want to shave the area—USE CAUTION!)
   1. Generously apply chamois cream
   2.  Ride, Train, Do what you do
   3. Dismount bike (Follow the next steps immediately and without fail)

                                                              i.      Remove chamois

                                                            ii.      Shower

                                                          iii.      Use a truly antibacterial soap like Hibiclens

4. Exit Shower

                                                              i.      Dry taint with towel

                                                            ii.      Dry taint with air

1.      Either remain naked while making your after ride meal or use hair dryer

2.      Antique yourself ala Jackass with a handful of Baby Powder

Why do we do this?

The chamois cream, helps reduce chafing that occurs while riding.  There are a number of products out there and here are a few that I know work well:

Noxema

Butt Butter

Bag Balm

Assos Chamois cream

Sixtufit

Try them to determine what works best for you.  Often when things are getting a bit raw I mix a few to exploit the full potential of each.  Do yourself and your training partners a favor by  not using too much.  I have been known to have a little seep out of  my shorts and it never fails to gain the attention of those behind me.  Make sure your chamois is in good shape.  Don’t use one that is old and worn out.  After the ride get out of your shorts ASAP, you don’t wanna start growing mushrooms down there.  Get into the shower and wash up, if you are having “problems” use Hibiclens, it is a surgical scrub and very powerful.  I take it to races because each hotel has different soaps and who knows which could cause an irritation.  After the shower make sure the area is dry either walk around naked for a while and let it air out or use a hairdryer.  The final dose of goodness comes from a little shot of baby powder to the taint.  By following these steps you should be main-taint-ing fairly well.  If you are experiencing some saddle sores sometimes the only way to get rid of them is to stop riding for a couple of days.  If it’s really bad you might have to see a doctor. I am sort of an expert so if you want you can send pictures and I’ll give you my opinion on the best way to proceed. PLEASE DON'T!

Oh yeah one more thing I think that can help is to shave all of that “bum fluff” down.  It can be tricky, use electric clippers and be careful,  I recommend a mirror.

-DZ